Smile
We live in a world of darkness
Created by ourselves…
Some are crippled by hate
and the others chained by sorrow…
Only a few satisfy their thirst of freedom…
Floating towards any hint of light that shines through…
Our minds cry freedom our souls cry freedom!
We scream or we’ve screamed…
We screamed for a long time…
In hopes that someone would hear our cry.
But they didn’t…
They reject us like we are some sort of disease
Or an unwanted stranger in their homes.
Our lungs became permanently clogged…
With dust.
Fear.
Our voices had become caged right along with our Freedom.
And each day I watch another soul…
Lose it’s way in the struggle for freedom.
I weep for them silently…
But I refuse to let my soul crumble under
Those cold hard hands of hatred.
Instead I do something that no one has thought to do.
Something that confuses those of who shelter hate
In their hearts and souls…
I smile… I smile with every part of me.
And it feels good.
The Sun
When the sun awakens from it’s nap
I’ll jump up and raise my hands up high
And dance naked.
Letting every last one of it’s lips kiss my skin.
Thawing out my frozen heart.
Allowing it to awaken my soul
Free my mind
And allowing myself to smile.
And when the Sun is not feeling so happy itself
I will be the one to smile big
And brighten it’s day.
When the sun awakens from its nap
I’ll ask it to never leave my life.
I’ll tie it close to my heart…
Just so that I will forever feel warmth…
So I will forever smile.
The Warm Ones
The softest whisper is the loudest cry.
A small cut becomes the biggest pain.
The warmest breaths seems to freeze the warmest hearts.
And those hearts begin to shatter…
And the strongest trust becomes the weakest.
Who Are They?
WHO ARE THEY TO TELL US WE ARE NOT MEANT TO BE?!
We were raised in this same world and we share the same human like qualities.
They say love doesn’t have a number…
But love doesn’t have a preference either.
So who are they to look us in the eyes and say that we can not love
That we can not hold hands and that we…
That we are a disgrace to the Public eye.
I’ll tell you who they are…
They are foolish people who see’s the world in one color.
Foolish people who are afraid of change and differences.
My Adam
I kissed his chest softly
Feeling the thumping of his heart upon my lips.
It beats in the same rhythm as mine…
I lay my head there and put my hand to my own.
And begin to weep softly…
like I had just found out that my unborn was going to live.
He was mine and I knew that now.
I never had much of my own but him… I wouldn’t share
Not with the world at least.
He was made all for me… I could finally be selfish
And feel good about it.
Because I found my Adam.
Only It Never Happens
You start to walk away slowly
Taking one baby step at a time…
Hoping that he would turn around
To run after you, grab your hand, and tell you he loves you.
To tell you how much he can’t live without you.
But when he doesn’t…
You start to think well maybe it’s too early…
Too early for him to miss me, that’s it.
So you wait by the phone… watching every second
That passes on the clock, just hoping that it would ring…
So you could pick it up and act as if you weren’t expecting it…
Even though you totally were.
And when you answered the phone he would tell you
That he was wrong and he apologizes for everything
That he wants to cuddle and watch one of those
Stupid love movies that you always cry over.
But most importantly for him to just say…
“I Love You”
Story
You’ll have a story to tell
and it’ll start at how it ended rather than how it began
whether you’re happy to tell it or highly pissed
But every time you tell it…
it will get swept away with the wind
and whistle a sad melodic tune of your name in my ear…
and my tears will upset the clouds and when they can’t hold it in any longer…
They will cry too.
And with your anger it will begin to thunder as well.
Love and Pain will clash together
to create a wildfire that will burn every last memory….
that we’ve ever planted together.
It will burn everything in it’s path… including our hearts
And then…
THE LIGHT QUICKLY
TURNS
TO
DARKNESS…
Letter of Thoughts
I keep starting over…
I just feel like everything has to be perfect
For you.
Like every word and thought.
Every placement… I’m putting words and then
taking them back, because I don’t know.
That’s just it I guess… I don’t know.
What to say because I’m afraid that it might not come out right.
That you’ll read that part and hate me forever.
And yes I too get scared of having you hate me.
Even though I know it’s bound to happen one day.
One day… we were just laughing about nothing as always…
Not meaning to get serious but somehow we did.
And somehow…
But let’s not get into that or at least not yet.
No one really took the time to get to know me on all levels.
Or if they did… they would always end up not liking me…
They would always leave.
No good reason why… and yeah,
I know I seem like the happiest person to you at times.
But most of those times when I say I’m doing nothing…
I’m releasing tears and hoping that your happiness is enough to dry them.
And usually they are. It hurts me even more…
Makes me cry even harder when I tell you those sad bits and pieces of my day…
Because afterwards you seem down too… and I hate that feeling.
Just thinking about it makes me want to cry.
I’m weak, yeah I’m aware… You pick on me all the time.
Get mad when I use your words but I love your anger… well unless it’s real.
But I Love You and I’m even sleepier than before… so yeah.
Alone
Being left alone when I’m thinking the way I am isn’t going to end well.
Mud
They said… they said
That you and I…
THAT YOU AND I… wouldn’t make it.
That you would tread all over my heart
Like it didn’t exist.
Like it didn’t exist…
But I didn’t listen…
I didn’t listen because I knew of your rough edges…
And your smooth surfaces…
But I guess I was too caught up into thinking…
Into thinking that our love would intertwine
Like two locked hands or two shoe laces…
But you’ve spun me around so many times…
So many times that it’s hard to tell my left from my right
Hard to tell my last name from my first.
But I know better…
Or I knew better.
But I don’t know now.
Or I never knew in the first place.
But whatever I did know or what ever I didn’t…
I’m washing everything off with soap and water,
Because you dragging me through the mud,
Is not what I want.
Timid.
Love…
tends to hide behind a mask…
it pretends to be a mute.
It doesn’t speak much…
Which makes it impossible to find.
But finding it is only half the battle…
Keeping it…
Is where the war begins.
Too Deep
As I wish upon the stars that don’t shine as bright as they used to…
Tears slowly start to stain my cheeks.
They slowly roll off my cheeks and seep into the crease of my lips.
I taste the saltiness of the growing pain
The bitterness of the love that was once there
Our love used to be iridescent
But that luminous glow slowly fades to black.
Hatred rushes in to fill the absence of love.
She questions her heart’s worth…
What value does it hold when it is broken?
When it is shattered into a million pieces?
And each time she picks up the pieces that is left…
She cuts herself even deeper than before.
She stitches it up.
But her love bleeds through those stitches.
It won’t stop and probably never will.
Because what she feel sis eternal.
What she feels is deep…
And sometimes too deep to understand.
You and Me.
My trust for you…
torn into two pieces
burned into ashes
and the ashes spread all over…
It still exists but will you ever get it all back?
Probably not.
My heart you still hold…
and I don’t understand how…
when you’ve hurt me so many times.
when I don’t hold yours.
when she does.
Which leaves me asking when did I stop holding it?
Your words
confuse me.
because you speak truth
and your actions contradict it.
so when you speak those words…
My ears are listening and my heart is deaf.
To keep from crying… to keep from caring too much.
You
make me feel so stupid.
make me hate you but then make me love you.
break me down to build me back up.
make me happy.
confuse me and I don’t know how to feel.
This Love
To live… to breathe… to love
Is impossible without you.
Without you… isn’t an option
I hope with these words I write can clear the clouds in your mind…
We can survive the toughest storms…
Stay dry when it rains…
And get through the suffering that caused pain…
Cause see some where along the line
Instead of reading between the lines
We read between lies…
Creating your blue skies and my grey nights
From pint up emotions and frustration
From past arguments and relationships…
I’m just ready to move pass it all
I’m ready to leave what’s in the past in the past…
We played this game once before…
But we’re ready to play it again…
You want to relearn the rules though
So if I lose you again… at least I’ll know it was fair.
Those who talk… are those who never knew
What love actually was.
I’ll admit… after the first few times
I began to believe that you were just like the rest of them…
But this love that I have for you…
Is eternal… and that’s when I realized
With you it’s different.
Those other guys… ceased to bypass my standards
Mentally, physically, and emotionally.
You captivate my soul, passion, and mind…
We’ve loved each other through this whole journey…
Through the smiles we thought we would never see again.
Even when I said I was moving on…
And some how ended up moving backwards to you.
Even when you’ve dated others…
I just couldn’t seem to unfasten myself from your heart.
And with time we shall love again.
With time we shall love each other stronger than before.
With time we shall re-lace our love and continue to walk this path.
His words to me…
If the moon asked you to kiss it, would you?
If the sun asked you to dance with him, would you?
Yeah… I figured you wouldn’t.
Because you’re to busy walking on the darker side of the street…
When you should be on the brighter side.
Yeah I know… this might seem crazy
This might make me sound stupid because your answer…
Will probably be no too…
But, if I…
If I asked you to let me love you, would you?
We can’t
We can’t love if there isn’t anyone to love.
We can’t love someone if they don’t want to be loved.
We let strangers into our ears…
We let them re-shape the love that was untouchable…
We let them destroy what we’ve built
We can’t love this way.
We can’t go on pretending that this doesn’t hurt.
That the deeper we go we don’t want to scream stop.
We can’t feel the void of that person walking out on us by…
Hurting someone else.
We can’t love if we don’t know how.
We can’t love someone if they don’t want to learn how.
We can’t
We can’t
We can’t.
I Can’t do this Anymore.
Dreams end fast
Nightmares take their time…
Love ends quicker then a two word sentence.
So could love be a nightmare?
Why can’t you just tell me you love me…
And mean it like you used to…
I mean you love me like… you’re in love with me
Not just you love me because you don’t want my feelings to be hurt.
Don’t sugar-coat the truth.
Don’t say you love me at all… if you don’t.
Piercing thoughts…
Cold bodies. My heart is crumbling
In the palm of your hand…
You held on to it…
But you held on too tight while falling to catch hers.
If you love her… If she makes you happy.
You shouldn’t let her get away…
My eyes can barely go a day
Without being soaked from tears…
I’m hurting bad…
And this just seems to be making matters worse.
But I don’t want to stop…
Feeling the pain you cause
The love you don’t give…
Hearing those words you don’t say.
That’s what it means to be insanely in love…
Because you start to make yourself feel things that aren’t there…
That used to be there. You drive yourself crazy just to feel it.
I can’t do that anymore…
I can’t keep giving.
I can’t keep giving you what I deserve to have.
It’s just hard because I love you so much…
And every time I write… I feel so stupid
Because my heart continues to bleed these words…
But your heart doesn’t.
So I can’t…
I can’t do this anymore…
I just can’t.
You’ve Changed
Baby you’ve changed…
We were together before we split apart…
From day one i was in love with you…
But now I’m wondering who are you?
You stopped taking care of home.
You left me there alone
I’m so tired of doing this thing…
Called living my life without you.
I wish I knew a way to get the one I knew back.
You’ve changed… What am I to do?
It ain’t about the
Perpetrating with the hoes
the lies… or the broken promises you made to me…
It’s about the love…
Thinking with my mind and not my heart…
I walked away and we fell apart…
But baby you’ve changed…
It isn’t the same.
What was I to do?
Wait around and miss you…
You acted like you didn’t care when I told you I wasn’t going to be here.
Baby you’ve changed.
Temporary Lust
Love
Confusing huh?
Lust
Confusion no?
The confusion is over.
No more.
Because see this whole thing
is a joke…
I’m the subject…
Laugh at me…
It’s fine.
Make me cry once more
But never again…
My hatred for you is no longer temporary…
It’s permanent.
But you don’t care right?
Right…
Sad to say this is just the beginning
Of the new me…
Fuck this…
You don’t deserve my words…
my thoughts… my anything.
Fallin’ Out
How do we end up here this way?
Boy I need you to meet me half way
If you want me to be with you…
I remember when we made schedules
Just to talk to each other for
countless hours…
So frustrated cause…
Sometimes I feel like there is
no way getting through to you.
You’ve blocked me out with this
Brick wall…
Baby I’m slowly falling out of love with you…
What are we going to do?
How did we end up here this way?
To where we spend hours and days
not speaking to each other
and it doesn’t seem to phase us a bit?
I’ve been sitting here thinking about
You and Me…
How things are now…
It’s like it’s easier for you to turn and walk away…
Maybe I’m trippin’ on silly things…
But sometimes I feel like you think
If you do something wrong…
At the end of the day I’ll still be here.
I’m slowly falling out of love with you…
I don’t know what to do.
Should I let it shatter
Or try my hardest to keep it together?
I just want to know, what are we going to do?
I’m tired of giving it my all
When I feel like you’re holding yours back
I’m just slowly falling out of love with you
Bury me Deep
This is it…
The death of me
The death of love
The death of us.
Til’ death do us part
Right?
Well here it is
Knife to heart…
Tears upon face
And your chance to leave
There she is…
That little girl… finally
Breaking away from all of this…
All of this pain and hurt.
She is set free now
Free to spread her wings
and guide amongst the other angels.
Our love was once almost like heaven on earth
But now it’s only half of that and half of hell.
But of course life has always been hell.
Bury me deep…
Deeper than anyone else
My whole life I’ve been isolated from others
And I wish to continue that way…
Bury my heart separate
So that I cannot feel it beat
Every time the thought of you occurs.
Leave my soul… Because without it
I would be lost.
This is it…
Here I lay
upon other tormented souls and broken hearts
Those tears that you cry…
Save them for someone else
Because I know that they are not real
This life has been opposite of a fairytale
and close to a nightmare
Do I regret loving you?
No of course not…
But these lessons in life
I won’t need to take with me
On the journey that I’m bound to travel.
So bury me deep
Bury me deep…
Wipe those tears away
and know that love was the death of me.
Fairy Tale Ending
Heart beats fast…
How can I love? When I’m afraid…
to fall again
When I’m afraid no one will catch me
Tears fall slowly…
Every breath
Every thought… every smile
Is it worth enough to love…
You and me against the world
Against the voices that whisper
Damaging words?
Will you love me?
With all of my scars…
My cuts from picking up
the shards of my heart?
We can…
last longer than a summer’s love
longer than a love affair
Longer than forever…
I just want to be the one you can love
Forever and a Day.
The one you can’t live without
if I leave I want to be the last thing you think of
when you take your last breath…
Heart beats slow…
Now I’m more sure than I will ever be
that me and you…
could be a fairy tale…
That this might be unreal
our love…
But fairy tales…
are better when they have a happy ending…
and these tears…
they slowly fade away
and a smile slowly appears…
Defining Love. 